An Update As Short As The Rockies Are Bad

Yes, I am alive. Yes, the Rockies still suck great big hairy donkey balls. No, they have not done anything that I particularly wish to immortalize on the Internets, as relieving them in my scarred psyche is quite traumatic enough, thank you very much. Yes, in the very unlikely event that they sort asshats from teakettles and begin to resemble a MLB team again, I shall return to writing about them. In the meantime, all I do is piss, moan, complain, suffer, agonize, watch their games anyway and get angrier, bitch some more, question the meaning of life, and spit on small children, sunshine, old ladies, rainbows, and puppies. Which actually makes me a little like Philip Rivers, only without the Southern drawl and overwhelming aura of eau de douchebag. *

* Disclaimer: This is not true. I have not actually spat on anything and I have been doing quite well at life, mainly by pretending the purple-and-black poltroons do not exist. This is called repression and is the only way I can cope. Freud was onto something after all. I had coffee, worked some more on my latest book, and bought sweet new headphones today. That was good. I am done with sophomore year on Friday and go home on Monday. This is even better. Game against the Diamondbacks? What game against the Diamondbacks? Our sixth loss in seven games against the Diamondbacks? I'm sorry, this does not compute. Try another blog.

Well..... That's Just Wonderful

Tulo could be out until midseason.

That's just really fucking wonderful. I mean, he was slumping and all, but he was Tulo. He started out slowly last year, then he turned on the jets. Now he was forced to rush into the lineup last night after Baker tore a blood vessel, and it looks he completely tore a tendon near his quad, leading to a 4-to-8-week absence. I don't even know what to say. Yeah, no more pixie dust. I am pretty peeved right now. To put it lightly.

I Cannot Believe The Words Are Coming Outta Me Mouth

... but I'm on the verge of asking for Fuentes back as closer.

Thanks for a crapload of nothing, Manny. And against the Cubs. Fourth night in a row. Someone check the calendar, I think it's June 2007 again. And if we lose tomorrow, we'll go winless on this brief homestand.

Dear God.

Absolutely Pathetic

I really don't want to waste words recapping it, but every time you think the 2008 Rockies have figured something out, they go off and do their damndest to show you that no, they are still as wildly streaky as ever. Win four, lose three, and do so in agonizing fashion -- by blowing a one-run lead in the eighth, the eighth, and the ninth, respectively. Our bullpen was the best in baseball three days ago. Then the Astros broadcasters handily jinxed it. It was 4-3 Rockies and then 5-4 Astros. It was 5-4 Rockies and then 9-5 Phillies. It was 6-5 Rockies and then 8-6 Phillies. Three winnable games that we will regret later, especially with the damned Dbacks looking well-nigh unstoppable. Instead of 12-8, we are 9-11. Great going, guys.

Sometimes I swear I hate this team more than I ever loved them.... Oy.

A Small Request To The Colorado Rockies

Any time you're done getting swept by the Diamondbacks, hitting like crap, pitching like crap, playing like crap, looking like crap, making me feel like I've been stabbed, and otherwise generally embarrassing yourself in every facet of the game related to the playing of baseball at a (so I'm told) professional level, feel free to start your 2007 NL Champions title defense and/or the 2008 season, mkay?

I Fail To Find This Funny

Seriously, I don't. What the flipping hell is wrong with the offense? We get schooled by Kyle Lohse, Todd Wellemeyer, and Brad Thompson. Then we get home and get REALLY schooled in front of a sold-out home crowd by the team we beat to win the NL pennant last year. Yeah, 4 games and there are how many to go? 158? I really think it's perfectly fine if we just sped up to the good part of this season, whenever the hell that feels like arriving. Redman was Redman, Holliday struck out 4 times, Tulo made an error and was saved from another by a charitable call from the blue. 8-1 is your final and I am not the happiest girl in the world right now; in fact that is a bit of an understatement and I know that that is a problem. Seeing as there are a damn lot of games left to go and it's going to hurt if this keeps up for even a few more days -- I have learned from past experience that I cannot go numb. I want last year's opening day loss -- we permitted the D-backs eight runs but at least we scored six.

1-3 and we look like crap. Can't hit, have a suspect starting rotation, and yeah. They're too good to be this bad forever but damn, it hurts when it does. And I think that my masochism switch is even more broken than usual, because I just sat through that whole fucking charade until the end. Somebody please find me a new hobby, at least one that will occupy two weeks and give me a chance to come back to my team when they look like a team.

I'd like a win tomorrow, but a win would involve scoring runs. I don't believe such a thing exists. Unicorns and Santa Claus, baby.

I'm now going to go do my poli-sci midterm, which sounds assloads more fun than what I just put myself through.

Ouch

I disdain saying more, except: It has to get better from here. 0-1. Pah. Nothing. We'll go back to Coors 1-1 and it'll be okay.

That said, tonight felt like being sodomized with a broken bat and a fistful of tacks.

I make no apologies for that mental image.

Night all.

What Does Not Kill You Will Make You Stronger

Jesus. H. Christ. It's 2:25 AM, I have class in seven hours that requires me to be awake again after six of them, and only now is my adrenaline high wearing off enough for me to think about sleep. What a crazy night. The Phillies lost to the Braves (good!) the Padres stunned the shockingly shitaceous Giants (fuck!) and the Rockies themselves just kept up the good times, logging a 9-7 win over the Dodgers for, coincidentally, their ninth straight win. And boy, did they do it in a wild, roller-coaster, completely draining way. Now that I've resigned myself to the fact I'm not going to get a lot of sleep tonight, it's time to put this down so hopefully it will be out of my head and I don't lie awake hyperventilating for another hour.

What. A Game. And as I say, whatever doesn't slay you must toughen your resolve for the playoff games (I BELIEVE!) that will come. By my (admittedly inexpert... c'mon, I go to a liberal arts school) calculations, the lead changed hands or the game was tied five times. Kaz Matsui got the scoring started; Sullivan hit a single, Matsui did as well, and both scored. Confused? I'm sure the Gameday operator was as well. It featured the Rockies running wild on Juan Pierre's joke of an arm in center and Russ Martin throwing a ball into center field. End result, both Sullivan and Matsui scored in what must have been a very bizarre play to score indeed. 2-0 is a good edge to jump out to, especially in a must-win game (they all are) against Brad Penny in a forbidding Chavez Ravine that has been brutally unkind (4-12) to the Rockies. But the rollercoaster had just gotten going.

Ubaldo Jimenez had been dominant against the Dodgers in two previous starts, but forgot his lucky charms tonight, allowing a two-run homer to Chin-Lung Hu. The very next inning, the Rockies pushed across two runs on a RBI single and a botched DP ball. In the bottom of the inning, James Loney cracked a three-run homer to put the Dodgers ahead 5-4 -- dizzy yet? It also featured the unusual combination of strikeout-double play-strikeout, as Martin struck out but beat the wild pitch to first. Andre Ethier lined into a double play which featured lightweight Cory Sullivan gunning Jeff Kent down at home to prevent him from scoring; Torrealba redeemed himself for letting Martin's ball get away with a perfect block of the plate. Then Andy LaRoche struck out, leaving Ryan Speier successfully having gotten four outs.

The next inning, Kaz (the Purple Dragon) and the Iceman swungeth for the Rockies yet again. Troy Tulowitzki, long may his godliness grace us, hit a two-run shot to left to push it to a 6-5 lead. Visibily pumped, Tulo skipped and punched the air as Rockies fans had orgasms and heart attacks simultaneously. After Scott Proctor hit Holliday in the seventh (making a successful return from oblique injury, he didn't hit any bombs, but got two singles) Helton got his third hit of the game (he smells the postseason and you can bet to hell he wants it) to make it 7-5. The cavernous drought that is Dodger Stadium's center field stole a three-run shot from Atkins (it was out of any park except the hitter's abattoirs known as the Ravine and Petco). Matt Herges, having already gotten through a successful sixth, did the same with the seventh.

Then the real heart attacks started, better known as the bottom of the eighth. Brian Fuentes threatened so badly to revert to June form, Hurdle actually thought about putting Julio in. (Thank GOD he did not). Fuentes allowed a run, walked the bases loaded twice, and then let Matt Kemp hit a low, slicing liner into center field. In any other year, any other day, perhaps, it would have dropped for a two-run single, devastating a two-run lead for the Rox into a one-run deficit. But not in this day, this age, this moment, this charmed season that perpetually hangs on the edge of a knife. Ryan Spilborghs made a sliding catch and saved it. More simultaneous heart attack/orgasms for Rox fans. I was pretty much dead by this point.

The Rockies went to the ninth. Torrealba doubled. Mr. Clutch, Spilborghs, came through with the insurance double, and Jamey Carroll, in as a defensive replacement for Atkins, cashed him in with a single. 9-6 going to the bottom of the ninth, and usually lights-out Manny Corpas wobbled, allowing a one-out solo jack to Delwyn Young, getting Martin to ground out on the first pitch, and then allowing a double to Andre Ethier.

I was rocking, whimpering, shaking, crossing my fingers, unable to stand up and totally drained by this point. I didn't know what he was going to do if Manny didn't get the next out -- but he did. Groundout. Game in the bag. And one totally exhausted, completely euphoric, never-did-finish-reading-her-politics-assignment-so-what fan, who almost collapsed in her computer chair and took a while to get up the focus to take a shower, much less anything else.

It's almost 3 AM. I'm still awake. As one of my friends reminded me, Rockies playoff race > everything else. I have taken up a 24-hour Rockies representation -- I have worn my Hawpe shirt for the past three days, and now I am sleeping in my Atkins shirt. Nine in a row ties the franchise record and leaves us still one behind the Padres (ARGH! FUCKING GIANTS! Try not sucking for once in your life! Goddammit! Yes, a lot of frustration here... we could have been tied if they'd just hung onto a 4-2 lead in the ninth!)

Peavy vs. Misch for the Pads/Giants tomorrow. That's bad. Fogg vs. Lowe for us, not great. Tim Hudson vs. Kyle Lohse for Braves/ Phillies, good. And not to mention... I believe. I do. I do. This is a Rockies team that is hot and hungry like you would not believe.

I have learned my lesson.

I will never doubt them again.

I may never sleep, either. Or get anything done in a timely fashion.

One thing I will not do is stop loving my Colorado Rockies. Ever.

GO ROCKIES!!!!!

Pretty Much Just Shock and Disbelief Here, Folks

Rockies season: April 2, 2007 -- September 10, 2007.

Ended later than most. Was lots of fun along the way. Nice job, fellas. Love you dearly, except for Hurdle, Barmes, Julio, and Affeldt.

Requiescat in Pacem.

In Which I Am Partly Justified

Yeah. Huh. No sense in ending the road trip with an inspiring come-from-behind win to take two of three from the Dodgers, right? A night after Jorge Julio blows it with a little non-help from the defense, giving up two runs, Hurdle puts him in in the eighth, where he blows it without any extra outs from the defense; he does get helped by Jeremy Affeldt deciding to completely suck at the worst possible time. After Affeldt gave up five runs without recording an out in San Diego, in a game that the Rockies lost 11-9, he does the same thing in Los Angeles, giving up a two-run single to RAMON MARTINEZ, who is hitting, for the record, .173/0/18. Great job, Jeremy. Great freaking job.

The Elmer Dessens experiment did not work; the Franklin Morales (!) flyer might have. The 21-year-old lefty went 5.1 innings, permitting only one run, in his MLB debut, in a game that the Rockies eventually won 7-4 in 14 innings. They lost two of three to both the Padres and Dodgers, going a heartbreaking 2-4 on their six-game crucial West swing. At least two of those losses are attributable to Affeldt becoming Affuentes at the least convenient juncture. Yeah, I know that playing on 100-loss teams in Kansas City didn't really prepare you for the heat of a pennant race, buddy. Just go away.

And now for the brief foray into real life issues: I am not okay right now, with the Rockies only comprising one of many reasons. I am trying to work through the anger and depression and get my head back on track, as I've been in a serious emotional swoon for the past few weeks and need to exorcise the blues. I'm having a pretty wild self-esteem and self-knowledge crisis, I suppose you could say, and I have difficulty letting that side of me out; so naturally it all caught up and nervous breakdowns really aren't to my taste.

Still trying to recover, today's travesty didn't help, and sometimes I feel like I am hanging on by my fingernails. I am so tired and so down and the blues are taking over me. I have no creativity and ambition. I can’t write, novels or blog or anything. I want to sleep forever and work is becoming more of a chore than ever. I want to go back to school, I’m actively looking forward to it, and at the same time I hold back and want to stay home, which is odd, because I know I love it in New York and want to go back there; maybe it’ll be good for me. It’s the end of the summer and I am mired in a serious emotional swamp. Slipping off the edge. Clawing back. Crystalline shards beneath the fingernails. Dealing with family, with self, money, ambitions, images, life. Splintered mirrors, shifting shadows. Going slightly crazy, clearly. I am too old to be this confused; I may be only 19 (well, in five days) but I am very mature for my age. I know what I want in life and I am generally content. This slide came out of nowhere and it really sucks. I keep pretending that I am fine, and that's what I say when anyone asks, but I am not. This has more to do than just baseball. Everything seems to be teetering on the brink just now. It'll get better, I hope.

I need something to hold onto. Who knows what it’ll be?

It Is With Great Regret I Announce the Demise of the '07 Rox

Yeah, I know. It sucks to have to write a sentence like that. But the truth is, the injury bug that the Rockies had been so fortutiously dodging all season has caught up with them in a major way -- Aaron Cook is now headed to the DL as per the Rocky Mountain News. This means that Cook, Hirsh, and Lopez are all unavailable, leaving an already suspect rotation in even worse shambles and causing the Rockies to look to players like Ramon Ortiz (acquired from the Twins in exchange for AAA infielder Matt Macri) and Elmer Dessens (salvaged from the D-backs scrap heap and rushed into duty) to patch a suddenly fast-sinking ship.

Add to this cornucopia of crap the fact that ace Jeff Francis was shelled for eight earned runs last night, and the Rockies were shut out by the Pads in the opener of a crucial set, and you can see why I am beginning to accept the fact that we may just be done for this season. We hung in there a hell of a lot longer than we normally do, but with three-fifths of our opening-day rotation unavailable for duty and the cracks chinked by less-than-replacement-level garbage, there is very little reason for hope in the Mile High City. Sure, they could be a sports movie, but they're not. The only way they could hope to stay out of a season-killing tailspin is by using a quick hook and relying on the suddenly good bullpen and usually-potent offense to correct the goose eggs the starter will be laying (and not in a good way). Please, O'Dowd and Co., call up Franklin Morales. Just let him have a shot -- our number-two starter is now Josh Fogg. Good god. Francis has zero margin for error now -- last night's debacle had better be the last of the season as well. I still advocate that I'd feel more comfortable with Buchholz and Morales instead of Dessens and Ortiz -- Dessens and Ortiz, for the love of Christ. The next few weeks are going to be very brutal to watch.

To add further to the misery, Ubaldo Jimenez, he of the hitting-a-wall-in-a-major way, goes tonight against Chris Young, who has a 0.73 ERA at home. Yes, 0.73 in the spacious dimensions of Petco, compared to a more-mortal 3.30 mark on the road. Besides, Jimenez has absolutely imploded in his last few starts and desperately needs to show Rockies Nation something, anything to cling onto. If we have no rotation at all, despite the presence of five breathing guys suiting up for the task, our last pipe-dreams of contention are gone. Even the vaunted offense scored precisely zero runs in said important game last night.

You shall notice that the "Axes I Grind" sidebar has been updated accordingly. Oy vey.

Midseason Reviews, Part I

I meant to do this at the All-Star break, but naturally, I had only one day off and that was during the Home Run Derby. I came home around 9 PM and the last thing I had energy for was writing about baseball. By this time I'd usually had quite enough of reality and all the attendant irritants that go with it. I'm so disgustingly perky at Starbucks that no one knows I am in reality a cynical introvert who lives largely in her head and is prey to a flotilla of disturbing obsessions. (Some of my friends know some of them, I refuse to divulge the rest). So I decided that writing fiction about baseball was better than writing about real baseball, as I have detailed in preceding posts. Explanations over, here are my one-paragraph summations of the 30 MLB teams' season to date, and a look at how badly I suck at predicting things. They are outlined in standings order, AL East to NL West, and will probably be split by league.

I also have three days coming up this weekend, even if the great majority of the time will be occupied with sleeping. Hey, people, I had to get up at 4:45 this morning. Don't judge. Also, I'm having a royally, royally rotten day, am consumed in bitterness and misery, and will try to tone down the venom.

AL EAST

Boston: I predicted their usual second-fiddle finish to the Yankees in a top-heavy division, but instead they're burning up the league, leading everybody at a ridiculous 61-40 clip, just edging out the Tigers for the best record in baseball and enjoying a margin that's been as wide as 14 games, even if it's been whittled to 6.5 at the moment and making the Beantown fans sweat it out again. Second Half: Although their fans have been conditioned to expect collapse, it would be fairly surprising indeed if the Sox turned into the 1978 versions of themselves and let the Yankees come all the way back... but you never know.

New York: I bowed to the mojo, even if I hate them violently, and figured they'd be setting the tone atop the East again, but they've looked extremely mortal for large portions of the season. They briefly put together a hot streak, winning 11 of 12, then came to Colorado and got swept by Todd and the Toddlers (proudest moment of my life) , skidding aimlessly into the break and looking like a done deal. Of course, then they began winning games against weak opponents and trying to find their own Bucky Dent, attempting to build on a 54-46 record and chip away at the Sox lead. Second Half: I hate the Yankees (I may have mentioned this) but I can't deny that they bear an unnerving resemblance to a cockroach or an earthworm (in more ways than one). If anybody has learned anything, it's that you can't count George Steinbrenner's Traveling All-Stars out completely.

Toronto: I thought they'd at least be competitive, and predicted that they'd make at least a few fans in New York and Boston sweat, but instead, the Blue Jays haven't done that much (not that they ever had a realistic shot of cracking the Sox/Yanks stronghold, and at least I tabbed them to end up in third, the slot they're currently inhabiting). Despite the Rocky Mountain News' readers bewilderingly naming Toronto as the majors' best team, they have a strong offense (Wells, Glaus, Thomas, and an emergent Rios? Yikes) and yet can't mount enough of a push. They currently stand at 51-50, one game clear of the break-even mark -- and ergo, not bad, not good. Second Half: Barring an intercessory act of God, there's little chance Toronto clears their accustomed spot. They should pick out curtains and a wallpaper pattern for third place.

Baltimore: Peter Angelos, recently (and deservedly) named in Jon Heyman's SI.com article as one of the worst owners in baseball, still has his talons embedded in this floundering franchise, so until then, there's not a realistic chance that somebody will perform the overhaul needed to transform the Orioles from pretender to contender. MLB K leader Erik Bedard is a pleasant surprise, establishing himself as an ace on anybody's staff, and youngster Jeremy Guthrie has also stepped it up. Sam Perlozzo, to nobody's surprise, was fired and was replaced with interim manager Davey Trembley, who has skippered the O's to nine wins in 13 games coming out of the break. Still, they're 47-53, and they have more of a chance to win the East than I do of marrying Jason Hirsh. (And don't ask me about that, I'm still upset). Second Half: Not much of interest. Have hot streaks, have cold streaks. Finish in fourth again.

Tampa Bay: Unpopular opinion time: The Devil Rays are given far, far too much credit. Everyone talks about how they're a tough young team, how Maddon will pick up Piniella's slack and lead them from doormat to sudden contender, but let's face facts: Rocco Baldelli stays healthy for five minutes at a time. James Shields has turned back into a pumpkin. Scott Kazmir and Carl Crawford can't do it alone. And as long as the Tropicana Juice Box attracts 5000 fans a night (8000 on promo days) the Devil Rays are going to continue to play exactly the way their 38-63 record suggests. Second Half: More of the same.

AL CENTRAL

Detroit: I expressed skepticism that they'd be able to follow up their Cinderella run with another successful season, but they're doing just that, ripping along at a 60-41 mark and just behind the Red Sox for the best record in baseball. They're actually better on the road than they are at home (34-20 vs. 26-21) and despite Joe Morgan's bewildering insistence that Gary "Loudmouth" Sheffield is the sole reason for their offensive prowess (Joe, A) they were a good-hitting club last year, and b) have you, uh, heard of Magglio Ordonez) their strength still lies in their pitching. Rogers went down and they didn't miss a beat, as Justin Verlander is turning in a sterling sophomore effort and already has a no-hitter to his credit. Second Half: If the Tigers can fight off the marauding Indians, they should make a return playoff visit. They'll have their work cut out for them to get back to the Fall Classic, though, let alone win it.

Cleveland: I underestimated them, figuring they'd resemble their 2006 selves more than their 2005 selves, but I was wrong yet again, and they're fighting the Tigers tooth and nail, currently only one game arrears of the Motor City Kitties and sporting a shiny 59-42 record. Cleveland is usually a solid club, and is making a very real push for the AL Central title. Detroit lost it (thanks to the Royals) in the final few days of the season last year, so nothing's impossible. Second Half: My previous pick to click in the Central, the Twins, uh... didn't live up to it, so I'll jinx the Indians by picking them. Apologies to Tribe fans.

Minnesota: The Twins made a sweep of the major awards last season -- Cy Young for Santana, AL batting title for Mauer, and MVP for Morneau (who has 28 HR this season and is trailing only Alex Rodriguez -- I think -- in the AL). So why are they so bad, or at least, not that good? (51-50 as of this writing). Answer: No one after Santana in the rotation, His Johanness looking mortal, not enough hitting, and just plain bad luck. I thought they'd be the team to beat in this division, but overestimated them while similarly undervaluing the Tigers and Indians. Second Half: Unless they can snatch out the Central title with hours on the clock like they did last year, the Twins really don't have a realistic shot at unseating the leaders.

Chicago: Man, what a meteoric plummet. I guess the White Sox realized that although they've gotten off the World Series schneid, they're still supposed to be a bad team. They've fulfilled that billing admirably, waffling along ten games under .500 and only two ahead of the Royals for possession of the cellar. The offense I talked up in the beginning of the year has taken a season-long catnap and GM Kenny Williams has gone into rumored fire sale mode with his starters, who I correctly tabbed as mediocre. (At least I got SOMETHING right). Jon Garland, Javier Vasquez, and Jose Contreras are all on the block for the right price, as Williams tries to wring a king's ransom for average-to-bad pitchers. But since the market for starters is so thin, he may be able to command a decent return anyway. The same can't be said of his team, who will tread water at best. Second Half: Nothing worthy of note. The Sox already got their highlight with Mark Buehrle's no-hitter (conversely, the only pitcher that's definitely staying after he got an extension).

Kansas City: Like anybody's surprised. 43-57 and still solidly in last in one of baseball's toughest divisions, in this case by a 16.5-game gap. Gil Meche, the much-maligned, has been all right (7-7, 3.76) and, just as I predicted, got named an All-Star. While it wasn't quite the Mark Redman silliness, it still shows that the All-Star Game is a joke.... What? The Royals? They're still not worth mentioning and are a few years at least, possibly a decade, away from contending. Plus, they're still owned by David Glass. Second Half: Does anybody still follow the Royals? Well, if they do, they are brave souls, are to be commended, and will probably be treated to more bad baseball.

AL WEST

Anaheim: I refuse to call them by their full (and ridiculous) name. And they are fulfilling my prediction that they'd take the West, except they're doing it quite a bit more handily than I thought they would. They're leading by three and a half games, but their chief challenger is not the Athletics -- it's the surprising Mariners. The Angels have a stable of prospects to shop, strong pitching, and have a few holes they need to patch, but they still have Vlad Guerrero, who one of these days will probably swing at an intentional walk pitch and hit it over the fence. Second Half: I was right, there's no unseating the Ridiculous Names atop the West, who will probably win yet another playoff berth. As long as they take out the Yankees in the first round, it's all good.

Seattle: Everyone, myself included, didn't really expect the Mariners to make a push this year -- and then they went and did it anyway, kicking into a higher gear after a typically disappointing start to the season. They currently sit at 54-45, but are currently embroiled in a bit of a skid, just breaking a five-game losing streak. Mike Hargrove's puzzling resignation as the Mariners were their hottest didn't appear to matter much at first, and interim manager John McLaren has done a fine job. The Mariners locked up franchise cornerstone Ichiro Suzuki at five years and $90 million, which I expect will be another mistake contract by the time it's run its duration -- what big-money pact isn't? -- but I guess they weren't going to let him walk. The rotation is still suspect, but it remains to be seen how long Seattle can make it work. Second Half: May make Los Angeles Angels of Huntington Beach Lakewood hot under the collar, but doubtful that they'll unseat them.

Oakland: Well, I blew it. Perhaps I have a tendency (well, yes, I do) to bias my predictions in favor of teams I like, and I guess I failed to properly take into account that Oakland has a team made of china men who fall over at the slightest breeze. Well, I did, but one has to wonder what the hell Larry Davis is doing to make the A's use the DL whenever and wherever somebody breathes too hard. That and Joe Kennedy really is as bad as his numbers suggest, Chad Gaudin is becoming human again after a Cy-like start, and Dan Haren, despite starting the All-Star Game, has scuffled in July to tarnish his previously sub-2 ERA. The A's have been forced to use so many call-ups they might as well rename themselves the Rivercats, and I think I'm officially done with Rich Harden. Makes a few starts, does brilliantly, hurts himself and disappears. The best theory now is try to keep him in bubble wrap for a couple weeks and peddle him off on a GM who still thinks he's not the next Kerry Wood/Mark Prior/Mike Hampton. Second Half: The A's entered the break in need of a patented second-half surge to get them out of the doldrums and back into contention, but it's not going to happen. They're 48-53, under .500 and pretty much done for the season, and it'll be interesting to see who stays and who goes come July 31.

Texas: If the Rangers thought that hiring fiery Ron Washington was going to help light a fire under their underachieving rears, they were mistaken. They're a sad 46-56, solidly in the cellar (although Oakland has only three games to work with) and rumors have bubbled up of Washington's hard-nose style not playing well in the clubhouse and creating a schism between manager and players. The Rangers still have no pitching (hard to believe Kevin Millwood was the AL ERA leader a few years ago) and Mark Teixeira is seemingly a lock to be traded before the deadline. On the bright side, they have C.J. Wilson. Read his blog. Second Half: Nothing really worth remarking on. C.J. may write some more and make me laugh.

Okay, that's done. Gah... that took too long, spanned the entire time it took for me to watch the Rockies lose 5-4 to the Dodgers, and didn't make me feel better about this royally rotten day. Seriously, everything that could go wrong did, and I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better. It pretty much has to be.

I'm out.

Fuck Brian Fuentes

Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him.

You think this wouldn't happen. You'd think that just once, on the first game of a road series, it would go differently.

No.

Yet again, Tulo hits a homer to put the Rockies ahead late. Yet again, Brian Fuentes gets two outs, with nobody on, and then proceeds to give up a game-winning hit -- in this case, a GRAND FUCKING SLAM.

We apologize for sweeping the goddamn Yankees. Now please, please let this misery stop. I thought it would hurt less the third time. It hurts more. I broke down like somebody just died.

Fuck you, Brian Fuentes. Fuck you. It feels good to say that and I will not apologize.